You only live this life ONCE.

Tomorrow I’m going back on strike with food. No more! I need to lose all this weight I gained. I hate recovery! I want to be beautiful and skinny for once and feel great about myself like I use too :’c

My first love compared to the love I have right now is so incredibly different. With my first love I was a virgin to everything. I didn’t know what love was, or what an anniversary was, or what you where suppose to do in a relationship; I was so clueless. I learned everything so fast and it hit me so hard. The love I had for the guy was emotional and just passionate. He broke my heart though and didn’t give a shit. He was addicted to drugs and addicted to love or to the thought of love. After we had broke up I was broken to shreds. I went into a deep depression that i couldn’t bring myself out of without intense therapy. Then a few months later I meet my previous bf. Everything was different I had scars and a shattered heart. I was scared to move on cause I was still hoping and waiting for my fiirst love to come back to me. My relationship with my previous bf is so different. I say I love him but I’m not sure if I do. Love is so confusing to me and I’m afraid I will never love like I did the first time so, how do I know that I’m in love now? I’ve been with my previous bf for four months now and im still confused on what we have. We almost had a baby by accident but nothing happened  so i found out i was just reproductively challenge maybe because of all the meds I get drugged up on now to keep me from falling apart. All i know is that all my feelings are out of whack and I don’t know myself anymore. Eveything is a big blur.

Im pregnant <3 I’ve never been so happy in my life! I still can’t believe it! I’m hopinh and praying ill be a good mom :3 Omgosh <33333 I haven’t had any depressed episodes and have been eating just fine :3 better then ever! I’m just wanting to be healthy for me and my baby from now on <3